So I bet that got your attention, and yes, it is true, I am in love!
I never thought it would happen in my wildest dreams, and I never thought I would be telling everyone through a blog post, but I’m just overwhelmed by this feeling I can’t describe!
Everyone always talks about the fantasy of finding the one whilst your traveling but I never believed it would happen to me, that is until now.
I know it seems so ‘unlike Sam‘ to profess these kind of sentiments in a blog or via social media, and some of you I’m sure probably don’t believe me.
…and with good reason! HAH. GOTCHA!
Oh goodness, I have been having a good chuckle to myself writing this so far, I really do crack myself up. 😛
Do you really think I would write it on a public forum if I was really, by society’s definition, in love?
Love is such a diverse word, yet I’m sure that for a lot of you reading the title of this post, the first instinctive thought you had, was that I had found love romantically, the supposed ‘dream’ that we are all meant to have
(Sorry Nanny, I haven’t found myself a strapping young man to bring home to you yet 😛 ).
Well I will admit I have fallen in love a lot of times since I’ve got here, sometimes with places, sometimes with food:
(NB: Most of the time with food… 😛 . Shout out to my main men, Picarones, Tacu Tacu, and Cremoladas 😉 )
…and yes, sometimes with people…BUT, admitting love for people does not have to mean lifelong commitment; love should be easier to express than we make it.
The definition of love is not as narrow as we make it, it travels on a HUGGGGGGE spectrum, so really we shouldn’t feel so reluctant to profess/express emotion and love in our everyday life.
Even writing love already so many times in this post feels a bit weird for me, but only because, as a society, we have put so much expectation and weight on the expression of emotion.
So in this post I’m throwing all that expectation out the door and you will all have to deal with the word and normalize it!
(NB: And don’t misunderstand me by any means, I’m not suggesting we devalue the meaning of love! I am just suggesting that we open our expression to extend further beyond the traditional romantic connotations).
We don’t always have to make the expression of love into these huge scary moments.
When you are able to recognize the pure beauty in the people around you, you can’t help but spread good energy yourself.
In addition, there is a lot of negative energy in this world so when we come across people that spread good vibrations, we should reward them.
It doesn’t have to be soppy at all, it can be expressed in many ways!
Don’t let fear conquer your self expression, because ultimately, is it really that embarrassing telling someone that you think (to put it blandly) they’re pretty cool?
There should be less hesitation to appreciate beauty in this world; and by beauty, I don’t mean the generic, materialistic bullsh**, I mean genuine beauty of the soul.
It is the kind of beauty you can clearly see when you actually take the time to lock eyes with someone; whether it be a stranger on a bus, a person walking up the other side of the escalator, or a customer in the shop where you work.
You don’t realize how much you can find out about someone through interaction; with or without words.
It is the kind of beauty you see when someone laughs uncontrollably, leaving themselves open to feeling the energy of the universe around them.
In addition, this recognition of beauty should also be equally applicable to self love.
It is the expression of love to oneself which is the most difficult, yet most important thing.
But I digress, there is a reason for this post it seems, a reason which I am only just starting to figure out now 3/4 through writing it. I guess there have been a few things on my mind.
For me coming here has certainly had its ups and downs. There have been the most rewarding, beautiful moments and also some unnerving ones that keep making me analyze my actions, and reactions, to everything.
I’ve been getting sooooo annoyed at myself because I just can’t understand why I’ve been holding myself back. You try to integrate, try to assimilate and find yourself in limbo, and furthermore feeling like you have put yourself there.
I guess this post is a bit about me bringing myself back down to my earth; to stop watching everything going on from above and take control again.
The whole, speaking another language thing, obviously is a huge factor when it comes to everyday insecurities that plague me as you can’t always express yourself completely in the same way that you would with your native language.
Although in spite of this, even when communicating in English I’m finding the same anxiety stabbing at me when I see so many well established friendship groups and I wonder where I stand or how I fit into this new community.
And then I feel so utterly stupid for thinking this way, because in allowing these doubts to rule over me. I’m giving up my power and suppressing my own personality, letting these silly insecurities dictate my happiness.
I’ve traveled too far, literally and metaphorically, to let myself fade into the background now.
I just need to slap myself back into weirdo Sam from Australia and trust that that person will be what helps me through this identity crisis of sorts.
Ultimately I know what I have to do, I just need to push myself a little harder, but it can be a difficult when 95% of the time, the people i’m hanging out with are between the ages of 7-14.
I don’t know… It is just a weird time to be in Sam’s head.
In one sense I feel like everything is coming together, but then also I’m wondering what will come next, which I guess is an exciting way to live!
To be honest I just think I’m really, really, really exhausted right now, and I know I’m not giving enough credit to the marvelous things that have been happening.
I don’t want you to think this is how it always is!
Just one of those weeks…
I will get by though. Not to worry.
Much love to anyone who is reading this.
p.s the next post will be full of photos and actual stories of what has been happening, I promise! Sorry to bore with a page full of words again.